Mark my words.

I will edit this fucking blog tomorrow. I've been stressed out and frazzled and confused and haven't even documented a damn thing. Inexcuseable. This update will be life-changing. Words will jump from the screen like tiny pebbles skipping off the shores of Lake Michigan in the summertime.

In the meantime, I leave you with the worst/best picture ever taken. You decide.

Earthquakes, cockroaches, and cat vomit, oh my!

SO the reason for the lack of updates, till now, has been that I've simply been having too much fun. Prancing through West Hollywood, enjoying the sunshine and meals at the farmers market, and trips to moonlight beach and Encinitas.

Then, this morning hit! And with it, news footage of earthquake drills preparing my area for disaster. Fake dead bodies are lined up on football fields in Pasadena.

No one warned me when I was moving out here that 'the big one' could be coming! 1,800 casualites predicted.

As Aud and I were frantically googling earthquake strategies so that we as native East-Coasters could survive this trauma, my cat puked up his breakfast.

As I was cleaning that up, a cockroach came out from under the sink.

Party central. Hopefully the rest of my day will be better than this.

Audrey did my make up last night. Sparkle glitter style. Oh oh my.

to be honest

I'm leaving in 2 days. I could pretend that I'm simply estatic and optimistic about my sunny Californian future, but I'm scared shitless. I have this lump in my throat that won't go away, and every time I see something fondly familiar I feel like I might never see it again, or at least not in the same way. Like the stupid diner. There are millions like it, but this was my diner. This is where we went at midnight after dances or concerts in Philly, and where we re-united after driving an hour and a half to come home from college. It's all going to be so far away.

My stomach hurts like it always does when I'm nervous about something. I love my friends, I love my family, and I'm comfortable. We're taught to believe in this culture that individualism and chasing wealth and prosperity and glamour is a virtue, but am I doing the right thing? Am I Am I Am I? Please tell me that Philadelphia will always be here. Please tell me that I won't fall on my face. Please tell me that I'll break my bad habits and live a healthy, fufilling, non-lonely life.

I'm going to go watch Dexter and drink some Pepto.

oh geee

the phillies have me all sentimental. this is just so perfect and wonderful, and the best way to spend the last few weeks in new jersey with my best friends. this last year on the east coast has had its ups and downs, but i think this phillies series and the time ive spent as of late with els and carolyn, as well as the previous year in 5c with michael, lizz, etc... man, its just too perfect. i'll miss you all, but have these great memories of the easy and simple times we spent together. and i'll have them forever. i know sometimes things got rough and came to a head this year, but i'm so glad they did and i feel more confident in this group than ever before. we're going to make it after all, us and mary tyler.

i'm trying so hard lately to be more considerate and less judgmental. and to try to think of others before myself. i think i'm honestly making strides. it's a slow but rewarding process.

on a lighter note, can't WAIT for in-n-out with some of the bestest people i've ever met. and mike, too.

I love drunken 130 am facebook chats with French people

1:36am Julien:
Phillies are very good these time! I am not looking a lot of baseball game but i still keeep an eyes on these guys because you are a big fan!
1:37am Shaunna
haha... we're going to win!
1:38am Julien
ok we talk again another time i will go sleep...a+

Thank you, Julien Thibeault. Best random facebook chat message EVER.

Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun.

"She would have liked to tell them that behind Communism, Fascism, behind all occupations and invasions lurks a more basic, pervasive evil and that the image of that evil was a parade of people marching by with raised fists and shouting identical syllables in unison. But she knew she would never be able to make them understand. Embarassed, she changed the subject"- Kundera.

How beautiful you are, Sabina! Seeing that the danger isn't necessarily in the ideals or the regimes themselves, but in the basic human tendency to latch onto ideas and slogans with fervor, and give up individual thought and reason for the mob. The mob holds undeniable appeal; as a Philly fan who shouts out 'Fly Eagles Fly' in unison with drunken, maniacal idots on a regular basis I must confess that I too, to a much lesser extent, engage in 'marching by with raised fists and shouting identical syllables in unison." It's when that same Philly sports fan mentality is coupled with economic collapse, years of political discontent, and empty wallets and bellies that the true danger is done.

PS- Today Nick attempted to explain his recent actions towards me. He said "maybe I'm just an asshole; I keep treating you badly without meaning to." Just an asshole, eh? I think that very few people are 'just assholes.' Making asshole decisions is a conscious choice. I realize perfectly well that it is frequently way easier to make the asshole decision than the decision that could potentially lead to you being hurt or vulnerable. But calling youself 'just an asshole' is taking the easy way out, and a pathetic attempt to excuse your actions by giving yourself an unfortuate label. You were not born an asshole, you're just acting like one.

Despite my recent disappointments, I, for one, will keep trying my best to do the right thing in my personal relationships. I vow to hold my tongue and not say hurtful things in the heat of the moment. I vow to keep appointments with dear friends even when it is difficult or time consuming, and stick to them. I vow to 'take the higher road', whatever that means. Basically, I just want to be good. I want to love people. I want to do random nice things for my friends. I want to think of others first. It sets you up for some serious hurt, but in the end I just think its so so worth it.

On the Hudson

I've been at my aunt's house on the Hudson River for the last four days. I needed to take a breather after quitting my job at Houlihan's and enduring a rough week in relationship-land. Her house is magnificent, with windows overlooking the river and the rainbow of fall foliage. We saw a bald eagle, a wolf, and some salamanders. Hey roadtrippers, can I post pictures on this thing without having a paid account? If so, I'll have to do that when I get home. New England in the fall is just amazing. Not that I regret moving to LA in 3 weeks. Fall is gorgeous when the leaves change, but when they fall and everything dies, so does the appeal for me. I don't like the eerieness and the sadness and the bitterness that permeates this area in the winter. I'll take constant sunshine anyday.

I started reading "The Unbearable Lightness of Being." This is the perfect setting for this kind of book. And I'm loving it. Okay, time for dinner. And then baseball. Go Phillies.