to be honest

I'm leaving in 2 days. I could pretend that I'm simply estatic and optimistic about my sunny Californian future, but I'm scared shitless. I have this lump in my throat that won't go away, and every time I see something fondly familiar I feel like I might never see it again, or at least not in the same way. Like the stupid diner. There are millions like it, but this was my diner. This is where we went at midnight after dances or concerts in Philly, and where we re-united after driving an hour and a half to come home from college. It's all going to be so far away.

My stomach hurts like it always does when I'm nervous about something. I love my friends, I love my family, and I'm comfortable. We're taught to believe in this culture that individualism and chasing wealth and prosperity and glamour is a virtue, but am I doing the right thing? Am I Am I Am I? Please tell me that Philadelphia will always be here. Please tell me that I won't fall on my face. Please tell me that I'll break my bad habits and live a healthy, fufilling, non-lonely life.

I'm going to go watch Dexter and drink some Pepto.