Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun.

"She would have liked to tell them that behind Communism, Fascism, behind all occupations and invasions lurks a more basic, pervasive evil and that the image of that evil was a parade of people marching by with raised fists and shouting identical syllables in unison. But she knew she would never be able to make them understand. Embarassed, she changed the subject"- Kundera.

How beautiful you are, Sabina! Seeing that the danger isn't necessarily in the ideals or the regimes themselves, but in the basic human tendency to latch onto ideas and slogans with fervor, and give up individual thought and reason for the mob. The mob holds undeniable appeal; as a Philly fan who shouts out 'Fly Eagles Fly' in unison with drunken, maniacal idots on a regular basis I must confess that I too, to a much lesser extent, engage in 'marching by with raised fists and shouting identical syllables in unison." It's when that same Philly sports fan mentality is coupled with economic collapse, years of political discontent, and empty wallets and bellies that the true danger is done.

PS- Today Nick attempted to explain his recent actions towards me. He said "maybe I'm just an asshole; I keep treating you badly without meaning to." Just an asshole, eh? I think that very few people are 'just assholes.' Making asshole decisions is a conscious choice. I realize perfectly well that it is frequently way easier to make the asshole decision than the decision that could potentially lead to you being hurt or vulnerable. But calling youself 'just an asshole' is taking the easy way out, and a pathetic attempt to excuse your actions by giving yourself an unfortuate label. You were not born an asshole, you're just acting like one.

Despite my recent disappointments, I, for one, will keep trying my best to do the right thing in my personal relationships. I vow to hold my tongue and not say hurtful things in the heat of the moment. I vow to keep appointments with dear friends even when it is difficult or time consuming, and stick to them. I vow to 'take the higher road', whatever that means. Basically, I just want to be good. I want to love people. I want to do random nice things for my friends. I want to think of others first. It sets you up for some serious hurt, but in the end I just think its so so worth it.

No comments: